Question 1

Can we personalise the funeral service?

Accepted Answer

Yes, we can help you create a service that feels true to your loved one. This may include special music, readings, flowers, a particular style of coffin or casket, and other thoughtful details. We work with you to keep the service simple, traditional, or something in between.

Question 2

What is direct cremation, and is it a good option for my family?

Accepted Answer

Direct cremation is a simple cremation without a formal funeral service beforehand. It can be a gentle choice for families who want something private, affordable, and uncomplicated. You can then hold a memorial or celebration of life later, in your own time and in your own way.

Question 3

Do you offer non-religious funeral services?

Accepted Answer

Yes, we do. Gentle Hand Funerals can arrange both religious and non-religious services, including a quiet and simple farewell or a more personalised celebration of life. We will help shape the service around your family’s wishes and beliefs.

Question 4

What should guests wear to a funeral?

Accepted Answer

It is respectful to put some effort into what you are wearing though the wearing of black and formal dress at funerals is declining.

In western culture, many men still prefer to wear a suit and tie, and most women will wear fashionable clothing and a minimum of jewellery. It is acceptable to wear less formal attire, provided it is well kept and subdued. If you unsure, think about what you would wear to a job interview.

The main rule to follow is to be discreet, with black, navy, gray or other dark colours appearing more conservative. The exception being if the deceased or their family have requested for brightly coloured clothes or specific clothing items to be worn. Revealing clothes are not appropriate, as they may be interpreted as being disrespectful.

If you are a pallbearer, it is a good idea to check with the family beforehand if they prefer your attire. Some families prefer the men in the pallbearing party to wear a suit and tie.

Try to avoid wearing clothing that is ill fitting, uncomfortable or is likely to make you feel too warm. The unwell feelings that can accompany grief, will be exacerbated by unsuitable clothing.  It is better to feel cool and put a jacket on, than to feel faint from overheating.

Funeral dress can vary with different religions and cultures of other countries. This can sometimes require different coloured clothing, shoes to be removed, or a head covering to be worn.

If you are not sure, make enquiries with the funeral director or family to ensure you are appropriately attired.

Question 5

Where should I sit?

Accepted Answer

You may be directed by the funeral director to sign a guest’s attendance book before they direct you to your seat. You should avoid the first few rows unless you are close family. The next of kin sits nearest the coffin, usually at the end of the pew.

At the end of the service, the guests should wait for the family to leave the venue first. If a burial is to follow the service, the person conducting the service will advise if guests are invited to attend the burial site. If you are travelling in a funeral procession (referred to as a cortege), you should turn your headlights on and keep a close but safe distance from the car in front, allowing for an adequate braking distance. Everyone in the procession should travel at the same speed. These signals should help other road users to identify your vehicle as part of the cortege.

After the funeral, family and friends may gather for refreshments at the service venue, or they may move on to another location.

If you are unsure of arrangements, you can speak to the funeral directors or a family member.

Question 6

What should I say at the funeral service?

Accepted Answer

It is always difficult to know what to say to someone who is grieving. There are no rules as to when you should speak to the family. Your presence at the funeral service shows you are there to support them through this difficult time.

You should be guided by the family’s actions at the service. If family members are greeting guests as they arrive, then this would be the appropriate time to express your sympathy. If they are seated inside the venue, you should wait until the service has finished and the family have moved outside before speaking with them. If you were an acquaintance of the deceased but not known to the family, make sure you immediately introduce yourself.

Be mindful of the time when speaking with the family, as they will have many guests to speak with, and often in a short time frame. Sometimes the circumstances of the death may have been particularly distressing, such as with homicides, traumatic unexpected deaths and suicides, and the family are too overwrought to speak with guests.

Question 7

What should I say to the family of the deceased?

Accepted Answer

It’s important to show your care and concern, but be aware that what you say may lessen some of their sorrow but cannot make their pain disappear.

We can mistakenly feel the need to help by saying something to ‘cheer them up’ and avoid talking about the person who has died. This does not allow the family to grieve in a natural healing process, so try not to feel uncomfortable if you or the family member becomes emotional or begins to cry.

Expressing your sympathy to the family should be kept to a simple statement and prepared to listen.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“You and your family are in my thoughts.”
“Please accept my sympathy.”
“My heart goes out to you during this sad time.”
“I’m here for you if you need anything.”

As everyone’s loss is an individual experience, you should avoid phrases such as, “I know exactly how you are feeling”, “You must try to be strong” or “They had a long life.”

Sometimes, such as following a lengthy illness, the death can be a relief for family members, who find some comfort in knowing their loved one is no longer suffering. It is best if you refrain from speaking of this, and let the family reach this conclusion, if appropriate, in their own time.

Refraining from asking questions about the illness or death is also best. A grieving family member may not want to keep repeating upsetting details about their loved one’s death.

Try to be guided by how the family deals with their loss when choosing your words and actions. If they are sharing fond memories or stories about their loved one, then offer a special memory of your own, e.g. “I really loved your mum’s garden and her beautiful roses”, or “I loved how your dad was always telling corny jokes”.

Regardless of your words, most families will appreciate your recognition of their loved one and their loss and may find that speaking about their loved one gives them some comfort.

Gentle Hand Funerals

Funeral Services in Macarthur and South-West Sydney

Choose the farewell that's right for your family

Religious Funerals

Non-Religious Services

Repatriation

Italian Speaking

Memorial Services

Twilight Services

Direct Cremations & Burials

Pre-Need Arrangements

Unique Funerals Escorts

Cremation Urns & Jewellery

Casting

Memorial Plaque QR Biography

A calm, guided process

01
Consultation Call

02
In Our Care

03
Meeting With You

04
Organising Everything

Funeral Pricing

Funeral and Burial Processes

Cremation Process

Burial Process

Frequently asked questions

Can we personalise the funeral service?

What is direct cremation, and is it a good option for my family?

Do you offer non-religious funeral services?

What should guests wear to a funeral?

Where should I sit?

What should I say at the funeral service?

What should I say to the family of the deceased?

Not sure which service is right?

Funeral Services in Macarthur and South-West Sydney

Choose the farewell that's right for your family

Religious Funerals

Non-Religious Services

Repatriation

Italian Speaking

Memorial Services

Twilight Services

Direct Cremations & Burials

Pre-Need Arrangements

Unique Funerals Escorts

Cremation Urns & Jewellery

Casting

Memorial Plaque QR Biography

A calm, guided process

01 Consultation Call

02 In Our Care

03 Meeting With You

04 Organising Everything

Funeral Pricing

Funeral and Burial Processes

Cremation Process

Burial Process

Frequently asked questions

Can we personalise the funeral service?

What is direct cremation, and is it a good option for my family?

Do you offer non-religious funeral services?

What should guests wear to a funeral?

Where should I sit?

What should I say at the funeral service?

What should I say to the family of the deceased?

Not sure which service is right?

01
Consultation Call

02
In Our Care

03
Meeting With You

04
Organising Everything