Funeral Services

When planning a funeral, you will have to discuss complex subjects at a time when you may be experiencing

feelings of sadness and loss.

Funeral directors play a critical role in planning and carrying out a funeral service according to your instructions. They have the knowledge and experience to assist families in understanding the funeral options available and to explain the different funeral services and product features to create personalised and meaningful tributes.

They will also complete the necessary legal documentation with the authorities to register the death and obtain a death certificate.

Independent and Family-Owned Funeral Homes are locally or family-owned businesses that were established without the assistance of a large corporation. Many families have been in the funeral profession for generations. Generally, they have greater flexibility when it comes to pricing, with lower overheads and fewer financial commitments.

You will be able to liaise directly with the funeral home's owner and operators, who are not obliged to follow large corporate policies or directives. This means they can be very flexible and individual with funeral arrangements. They are also not bound to particular suppliers and can provide personalised items from a range of businesses, e.g., coffins, urns, flowers, and caterers.

This is a personal decision made in advance by the deceased or family members, taking into consideration the deceased’s wishes, feelings and beliefs.

Please check if the deceased expressed a preference in their Will (if there is one in existence) and/or any pre-planned funeral arrangements/documentation that the deceased may have put in place. Cremation reduces the body to cremated remains within a matter of hours, whereas traditional burial follows the process of slow and natural decomposition.

Some people respect the process of allowing the body to decompose naturally and consider cremation merely as hurrying the process, while others believe that cremation denotes reverence.

If it is important for you to be able to visit or be near the deceased’s final resting place, you should consider this when deciding. If you may move away from the area in the future, you can carry the cremated remains of the deceased with you, but this is not possible in the case of burial.

Cremations are becoming a more popular choice with families today. Cremation is a simpler process that also helps save ground space, but this is not the case with a burial. Nevertheless, both are regarded as both legal and safe ways of dealing with a deceased person.

As it is common today for people to live away from their family roots, cremation provides more flexibility in terms of ‘memorialisation’, as compared to the method of burying in a cemetery or graveyard. Parents of children who have passed away, for example, sometimes find it difficult to move away from their burial site.

The cremated remains can be stored in a cremation urn and displayed on a shelf at home, scattered on land, scattered from the air by plane, floated on water, placed in a columbarium, (a structure with small recessed compartments for placing urns containing cremation ashes), buried in a burial plot (does not require a full-sized plot), or entombed in a crypt within a mausoleum.

You can carry the cremated remains of the deceased with you if you are moving elsewhere, but this is not possible in case of burial.

Disclaimer: Check your legal and religious obligations to the deceased's wishes before proceeding with Cremation.

There are a few options as to where and how the remains of the deceased may be buried. There are many reasons for choosing a burial, including:

• Burial is traditional within your family, religious belief, or geographical location.

• You do not like the idea of the deceased being cremated.

• You prefer to have the deceased slowly return to the elements.

• You may want to visit the grave in the future, and you may feel a cemetery more appealing than a columbarium at a crematorium.

• You may wish to erect a monument on the grave.

• Some people consider burial more environmentally friendly than cremation.

Disclaimer: Check your legal and religious obligations to the deceased's wishes before proceeding with Cremation.

The decision to spend special time with a deceased loved one allows seeing them in a peaceful state to say your final goodbyes.

People sometimes have difficulty deciding regarding viewing of their loved one as they are experiencing

mixed feelings. They may be fearful as they have never seen a deceased person before, and they are concerned they will be disturbed by what they see or will be embarrassed by becoming upset in front of others. On the other hand, they may feel a deep need to spend time with their loved one to say some final private farewell and/or come to a level of personal acceptance.

The decision not to view a body can be equally difficult. It can result in feelings of regret at not seeing the person for the last time or confirming the reality of their death. This is something that may be felt more often in cases of sudden death due to the unexpected nature of the death and, therefore, the feeling of unreality that is often associated with it. Some people simply feel they have said their goodbyes at an earlier time and do not need to spend any further time with the deceased.

Within a family, there may be different views on whether to have a viewing of the deceased person. Some will

find viewing helpful in finding some amount of closure, but others may find it distressing.

It is respectful to put some effort into what you are wearing though the wearing of black and formal dress at funerals is declining.

In western culture, many men still prefer to wear a suit and tie, and most women will wear fashionable clothing and a minimum of jewellery. It is acceptable to wear less formal attire, provided it is well kept and subdued. If you unsure, think about what you would wear to a job interview.

The main rule to follow is to be discreet, with black, navy, gray or other dark colours appearing more conservative. The exception being if the deceased or their family have requested for brightly coloured clothes or specific clothing items to be worn. Revealing clothes are not appropriate, as they may be interpreted as being disrespectful.

If you are a pallbearer, it is a good idea to check with the family beforehand if they prefer your attire. Some families prefer the men in the pallbearing party to wear a suit and tie.

Try to avoid wearing clothing that is ill fitting, uncomfortable or is likely to make you feel too warm. The unwell feelings that can accompany grief, will be exacerbated by unsuitable clothing.  It is better to feel cool and put a jacket on, than to feel faint from overheating.

Funeral dress can vary with different religions and cultures of other countries. This can sometimes require different coloured clothing, shoes to be removed, or a head covering to be worn.

If you are not sure, make enquiries with the funeral director or family to ensure you are appropriately attired.

You may be directed by the funeral director to sign a guest’s attendance book before they direct you to your seat. You should avoid the first few rows unless you are close family. The next of kin sits nearest the coffin, usually at the end of the pew.

At the end of the service, the guests should wait for the family to leave the venue first. If a burial is to follow the service, the person conducting the service will advise if guests are invited to attend the burial site. If you are travelling in a funeral procession (referred to as a cortege), you should turn your headlights on and keep a close but safe distance from the car in front, allowing for an adequate braking distance. Everyone in the procession should travel at the same speed. These signals should help other road users to identify your vehicle as part of the cortege.

After the funeral, family and friends may gather for refreshments at the service venue, or they may move on to another location.

If you are unsure of arrangements, you can speak to the funeral directors or a family member.

It is always difficult to know what to say to someone who is grieving. There are no rules as to when you should speak to the family. Your presence at the funeral service shows you are there to support them through this difficult time.

You should be guided by the family’s actions at the service. If family members are greeting guests as they arrive, then this would be the appropriate time to express your sympathy. If they are seated inside the venue, you should wait until the service has finished and the family have moved outside before speaking with them. If you were an acquaintance of the deceased but not known to the family, make sure you immediately introduce yourself.

Be mindful of the time when speaking with the family, as they will have many guests to speak with, and often in a short time frame. Sometimes the circumstances of the death may have been particularly distressing, such as with homicides, traumatic unexpected deaths and suicides, and the family are too overwrought to speak with guests.

It’s important to show your care and concern, but be aware that what you say may lessen some of their sorrow but cannot make their pain disappear.

We can mistakenly feel the need to help by saying something to ‘cheer them up’ and avoid talking about the person who has died. This does not allow the family to grieve in a natural healing process, so try not to feel uncomfortable if you or the family member becomes emotional or begins to cry.

Expressing your sympathy to the family should be kept to a simple statement and prepared to listen.

• “I’m sorry for your loss.”

• “You and your family are in my thoughts.”

• “Please accept my sympathy.”

• “My heart goes out to you during this sad time.”

• “I’m here for you if you need anything.”

As everyone’s loss is an individual experience, you should avoid phrases such as, “I know exactly how you are feeling”, “You must try to be strong” or “They had a long life.”

Sometimes, such as following a lengthy illness, the death can be a relief for family members, who find some comfort in knowing their loved one is no longer suffering. It is best if you refrain from speaking of this, and let the family reach this conclusion, if appropriate, in their own time.

Refraining from asking questions about the illness or death is also best. A grieving family member may not want to keep repeating upsetting details about their loved one’s death.

Try to be guided by how the family deals with their loss when choosing your words and actions. If they are sharing fond memories or stories about their loved one, then offer a special memory of your own, e.g. “I really loved your mum’s garden and her beautiful roses”, or “I loved how your dad was always telling corny jokes”.

Regardless of your words, most families will appreciate your recognition of their loved one and their loss and may find that speaking about their loved one gives them some comfort.